1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
