He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
