a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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