Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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