I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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