My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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