I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
