new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
