The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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