You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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