Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
