I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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