Will you blow on my dice?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
