Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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