I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i out mim tonsoeep
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