wakey wakey hands off snakey
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
