Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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