his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize