whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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