I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
