CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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