Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
