after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
