I smell stomach acid.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
