She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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