I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
