I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I smell like Dick and happiness
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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