I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
