Jerry, you need to find god
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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