I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
