all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Pants are for mortals
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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