i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
