i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize