You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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