where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
