I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
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Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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