you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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