It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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