i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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