You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
