I just pynch a tree in the face
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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