Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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