I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
