He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
