Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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