Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
