Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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