I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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