both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
