i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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