P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
