it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
