I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
