i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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