it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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