I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
