i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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